the start of a new year in a wayward land,void of the morals i once held so true...but that is not my problem...i couldn't care less of a land that has lost all spiritualty...no...my battle is far more personal..as i turn inward i see the demons and angels within me battling for my soul...they say that by influence is the prize won...so,it doesn't really matter which side i pick..as long as i choose...hmmm..i dont think im making much sense here...well let's just say that my integrity as a person is slowly crumbling before me and i can't do anything about it right now...i turned into the one thing i hated the most...and it eats me up inside...although in the back of my head, i know that there is still hope for me, i can't help but feel damned...yes..i still feel fallen...but not as bad as before...but i know it's not my place to brag about it...who am i to rise above anyway? ah..rehtorical questions...i just love throwing them around...baffling people with these nonsensical whims of a battered soul...hehehe...well..my life is not entirely thrown to the dogs...as long as i live,there is still hope,right? and as long as i keep my integrity(or whatever is left of it) i would still be with my baby soon...honestly she is one of the biggest reasons why i still bother living here in this plane in the first place...although i know that we are thousands of miles apart...there is still hope...as long as the sun rises..and as long as i can open my eyes every morning...ahhhh...she's my baby...my friend...my unicorn...

i dont know where i would be in the following months...but i know that i would be able to work it out someday...i have to...time is running and im not getting any younger...i suffered from my indecissiveness for too long...it's time to make choices...choices that count...i'll start with simple choices like the one i made last new year...and that is that...i'll try to work my way from there...

to those who read in silence....i bid you farewell until our next discourse...

while i was waiting for the night bus yesterday in the cold summer rain, an epiphany just struck my then alcohol filled head...and i finally realized what i was supposed to do in this confounded foreaign land...(i would like to point out that i am totally sober while writing this...and,no...this revelation was not delivered to me by any heavenly entity or horde of hell..)

 

so...after years of complaining of not having any direction in life...i finally realized this...anyone could be famous(or infamous...but both deliver the same impact,if you asked me)...but only few people have the promise of greatness...it's all too clear now for me to shun the light once again...i have been sent here to redeem our once proud race...no one said it would be easy...but our people has a lack of heroes...call me demented, twisted, or sick in the head...but i have taken it upon myself to set the bar...bwahahahahaha!!! i am Filipino...in my veins flows a legacy of the proud brown race...the malayan race...and i won't let anyone get in my way...it won't be an easy road...that much i am sure...but this is not some derranged manifestations of excessive alcohol intake...this is destiny..